2010 Reviewed – Dirty Hotel Bedspreads & Coke As a Toilet Cleaner

December 30, 2010 by kristinewirth · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Just for Fun

So here’s to 2010…
As we progress through the year 2010, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it, since it’s never washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public restroom.
I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I own for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I sent it all to the sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have ANY money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish.
I can’t have a drink in a bar because I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
I can’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat while I’m filling up.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan …
I no longer buy cookies from Woolies since I now have their recipe.
THANKS TO YOU I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can’t ever pick up a coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician . .
P. S.: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

And let’s not forget….

If you open your door to a scammer posing as a census worker, he (or she) may try and rob you once their in your house.

If you change your Facebook profile to a cartoon character, it will help pedophiles earn trust easier with children.

If you forward a certain text message, AT&T will donate .45 cents to the medical care of a 14-year-old boy who was defending his 2-year-old sister from rape.

Cell phone numbers will soon be released to telemarketers so you must put your cell phone number on the Do Not Call Registry.

FYI: The original of this was forwarded to me by my sister-in-law. The italics are my own contributions.

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Are You An Underground Trekkie?

May 12, 2009 by kristinewirth · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Just for Fun

Like many people, I am a fan of Star Trek. But not one of those that attends the Trek Conventions although I’d like to someday although I don’t know how likely I am to wear a costume.

Since I don’t hang out on Trekkie message boards, I really didn’t know that the new movie was getting some of the hard-core Trekkie’s up in arms. So I came across this video clip; hope you enjoy.